Well, a few days have passed and what have I been up to? Tuesday was the first day since the start of school till now that I have done absolutely nothing and stayed home as well! Certainly a big accomplishment for me.

On Wednesday, I met up with Deborah and had dinner at Scotts Pinic Foodcourt where we bumped into Nat, who is still looking good. Went for dance class after that. Instructors Luther and Adeline/Edeline are good, felt at ease with them. Had a crash course of what I had missed from the first class in 15 minutes or less, and continued with class. Stayed back to watch Deborah in her class, which was so wonderful! How I wish that I would be able to dance like that really soon! Friendly people I gathered, which is really good. The instructors are absolutely friendly which makes it so great and I got to meet Deborah's childhoodfriend Stella, who I am sure is another sweetie.

One thing about Salsa, it is all about the man leading, which is turning out ot be a problem for me. Haha I think my closer friends would know why but I have decided that I need to take a mental note of that and make an effort to relax and let my dance partner be in control. =) But all in all, I am glad that i finally managed to take time out of everything else to sign up for classes finally.

Spent yesteday at home, trying to do DA stuff. Only to be irritated with the cd burner as it seems to be spoilt, eventhough it was already sent for repairs. Really desperate for a cd burner to do all my work. Had a talk with someone pretty dear to me and I am glad that talking did help my friend to feel a little better.

Oh yes, one thing irritated me quite a bit this week. It is strange, that people always like to think of me as a substitute, an alternative when someone cancels out on them, or when they are extremely bored and decides they need some form of entertainment. I had a senior from secondary school message me after what, 2-3 years because he isin the army and he is just so bored in his bunk. After being "so involved" in my life during this period of time, he decides to ask so many personal and intrusive questions, asking me if I have any regrets making the decisions I made throughout the years. Then there is another, unfortunately a pretty close friend. I feel like I am very much a substitute when her boyfriend is unable to meet her. Firstly, she calls me and wants to meet 2 or so hours later. She informs me later that she will be late, then decides to change the venue to somewhere that is really on the other end of the island for her, at a later time. And finally, the icing on the cake would be her suddenly apologising for her boyfriend decides that he can meet her. I was mad, I really was. I refused to pick up her calls and reply to her messages in case of flaring up. But instead of telling her how I felt I just said that I was busy. But I already knew when she asked me to meet her in Jurong that she was trying to meet her boyfriend and was even doubting the fact that she really wanted to meet me at all.

Stupid you may say, that I allow people to do this to me. But well, I thought that she just needed to have someone to talk to as she may have been stressed out with the As, etc. But I guess I am wrong. I think I seriously need to rethink some stuff in my life. I want no apologies because for someone who has known me for quite a long time, this is rather disappointing.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest. Putting that aside, tomorrow is the finals for the NKF debate tournament. I wonder if I will see any familiar faces that I so dearly miss in the circuit. It is good to get back into the circuit after being away for quite some time.

IG meeting today, somehow it was good to be in school, seeing the people that I have worked with for quite some time. Quite alot to work with for the IG this semester, and I hope that everyone will like what we will have in store for them when school reopens.

Taught the IG dance today, pretty tiring and I think that my throat is going. Headed to Causeway Point after that with Yixiu to have dinner and to just spend some time together. We walked the entire mall and I bumped into some people from my secondary school. Also bumped into some of the army guys involved with NDP 2004.

Had dinner at this place called Cavana. We shared this combi meal for two, consisting of 2 soups, 2 drinks, potato wedges and a seafood combo. The food was pretty nice. Had a light chicken and veggie soup which did not come with a bread roll, but with two small rolls of bee hoon! Pretty creative and it was rather good. The seafood combo was not too bad as well, other then the texture of the calamari being strangely similar to that of chicken. But other then that, the place was pretty nice, think a little towards Cafe Cartel kind of style. But it was a little more cosy? And oh yes, Xiu and I were entertained with the showing of Britney Spear's concert at Las Vegas. =)

Had a walk at the pasar malam as well. Pleanty of stuff to look at, and most certainly, tempting food to sink your teeth in! Had such a god time with Xiu! Thanks girl, for listening and for sharing. Looking forward to meeting up with you again really soon!

Got a proposal to be done this week, and some work for the DA as well. Looking forward to a chance to catch the movie Shark Tale and there are still some movies that I have yet to watch. Just hope that i will have the time to plan out events proper this holidays. That is something I aim to achieve and I will achieve it!

Been busy with PACEsetters and DA the past two days. Had workshops and a meeting yesterday, and a tournament to help out today. Was allowed to leave the NKF tournament early today as there was more than enouh people around to help.

Took a walk around Holland Village and boy, it was really good to be back in ACJC and Holland Village. There have been quite a number of changes in both places, and I absorbed all of the latter. The smells, the sights, the sounds. I stepped into the Japanese bakery Provence and treated myself to an egg salad bun that just came out of the oven. It was incredible, warm, chewy, fragrant, absolutely delicious!

Managed to get some stuff done today, and finally, I got the comments box done! So I expect some little notes from all you darlings out there! Thanks Liz! *hugz* All the best for the As ok? I am sure that you will do just fine.

Sometimes I wonder, why is it that despite being on par with others on some matters, why is it that they are always seen as the ones that are doing alot more and more hardworking and credible? If only some people know what some of these people say actually. Or wait, am I the one taken for a ride?

Ah, Gilmore Girls is on right now, the best thing to watch to cheer me up!

I am back!!! Was too tired to wait around for the use of the computer last night so yup, here I am!

The trip was good, great in fact. Only one thing though, there was not much time spent in Malacca to explore all the streets and bustling nightlife there. Port Dickson was great as well, managed to get a soak and a tiny little tan. =) Food at both places were nice, and man, I ate enough for the next five days or something!

Both places made me feel like I was transported into another world. Not entirely but yet the mind felt a little more at ease. Many managed to relax and have fun over there, but I guess that I am guilty of bringing work over. Got some shopping done, a couple of tops.. hmm.. that kind of sums it up. Did not really get much as I did not go to the trip with the intention to buy stuff I guess.

There is too much details to blog right now, but i shall attempt to do so within the next few days.
It is good to be back home, after what seems to be like ages away from the family. Going out later to meet Stewart, and to also get a book or two. I devoured he book, P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern at the chalet already, thus leaving me with nothing much left to read during the trip. I simply cannot wait to hit the bookstore later and be left spoilt for choice!

Got some things to settle before preparing to go out. So tata!

This is a real quick one, as I have to leave the house in approximately 10 minutes.

Just packed my bag this morning. Was to tired to do much at all last night. So well, here is a tiny update as to what have happened this week:

The IG Retreat can be said to be a success. Everyone who made the effort to turn up sure had fun, and the BBQ and gifts were fantastic! Did some work there as well. So it was in a way a pretty productive retreat in ALL aspects.

Joyce's birthday party was fun and lovely too! Had my first manicure in my entire life, and now my nails are pink! =) Had a chalet (yes, another chalet), this time with a smaller group, and with alot of fun being silly and dancing in a car!

And so, I am heading to Port Dickson today. Looking forward to it? Definitely! Only setback is the fatigue that I am facing from all the traveling and packing and unpacking. I am indeed surprised that I have got enough clothes to get me through three consecutive chalets/trips. And that, is excluding all school related shirts! *beams*

Well, I shall be back with hopefully time to update proper. There is so much to do this week when I am back.

And hubby, please take care of yourself and have a good rest ok? Hopefully, I will see you on Thursday!

Till Thursday people!

I should sleep soon, the television channels have stopped broadcasting, and I have got quite a bit to do in the morning.

Went out for the whole day. Met Leigh and Jovi to discuss mentor matters, and had the briefing for the end of the semester trip. Headed down to town after that, to look for stuff and to catch Les Choristes, finally. It had a good storyline, strong and captivating. However, the ending was abrupt, making me feel like I was left hanging in mid air, not knowing what had happened to the rest of the cast. Strangely enough, I thought of my classmate, and avid french film lover before walking in to the theatre. Little did I know that she was also in the very same theatre! It was good to see Eileen. Little did she know that she made my day. =)

I will be heading to a chalet later today. Will not be back till late Friday. Been very busy with alot of matters, but I know that I will cope. I just wished that I knew how to get the comments thing done and oh yes, I noticed that the html stuff for my template kind of shortened by itself. So unfortunately, I have to redo the whole thing again. Not that i mind but well, the part of putting in ALL the links is a tad bit tedious. Oh well, all this will be done hopefully when I am back from the IG retreat, and before I head to Joyce's birthday party.

I did not want to blog today. Really I did not. I felt the need to let this blog rest, to let myself have time away from the space where I let myself go. But now, I feel the need to type it out.

Char shao bao called and though she was the one looking for the comfort of an old friend, I felt really glad that she did call. To hear her voice and to know that she is coming back in November, I am already counting down. Was in school today with Nelson and Shaidah for an entire day, did some work. More to be done tomorrow, and I need to go window shopping again for stuff.

I am absolutely confused. Really, I am. I think, I was partially right about the half truths, was I not? I do not know what to think, I do not know what to do. I think that maybe, I do not know you well, at all. Not as well as I once thought I did. I once said that i will not allow anything decide and affect how I think and importantly, how I feel. But now, I think, I shall try, to commit the rest of the week to killing a part of me.

I feel like I do not know you anymore. What is going on?

Spent the day just being at home, and I discovered that I am a fool. In so many ways, more ways than I will ever know. I have a feeling that this entry will be absolutely lengthy, so you have two options; make a quick dash for it, or bear with me.

I realised that I am ambitious, maybe a little over ambitious. There is so much that I want to do this holiday, and I really am trying to find a way to squeeze in everything. So much to do with so little time.

Things are slowly settling in. Who am I kidding? There is no possible way this will have no effect on me whatsoever. I am sure many of you will think that I am stupid and foolish, for feeling like this and for thinking of ways and means to get out of it. But the fact is that, I cannot find a way out of it right now. I am more mad at myself than anyone else. For thinking that I am capable enough to lie to myself, to think that everything is perectly fine. Maybe it is fine with everyone, but not with me. Not now.

I watched Love Actually again. I can never get enough of that show I tell you. This must be the fifth or sixth time watching it and still, I tear. In fact, with each time I watch it, I feel more for the characters and the things they feel and go through. "What can be worse than total agony of being in love?" Sam is someone who well, I pretty much admire for his guts and his passion. Cheers to you mate!

But one thing for sure, I never regretted it, in fact I am happy that I did what I did. Sure, the blow did hurt alot more than I am showing it. But then again, I will not have issues with the "what ifs". I know how things are now, in black and white. I know that I am more confused with myself now. But at least I know, that you know how important you are to me.

I hate to admit it, but today, I feel lonely. I felt loneliness like I never felt it before. I feel like I have no one to turn to, especially now, when I am at the crossroads deciding on what to do. Sure, I do have many friends, I will not and cannot deny that. But then, a handful of you are taking your As, many of you are busy protecting the nation against your own will, and many of you do not even know what is going on. And yes, how can I forget the people I love, who are all so far away from me, studying in lands of lush greenery and so much more. I feel lost, I feel insecure. And for once, I really want to break down and cry in front of everyone, to scream to the world that hey, I am not good here. I need the hugs, the love, the things that people who will love me can shower me with. I can get that from my family but guess what, my family knows zero to nothing about anything at this point. I iknow that this sounds like self pity but it ain't self pity. Sad to say this, but this blog, is the closest I have got to a listening ear, to a shoulder to cry on.

Went to see my brother's hostel room at NUS. Small but adequate, and the surroundings were done up pretty nicely. I sure would not mind staying in such a place as well.

Talking to Janice just now, and well I think that the things she said, I kind of had it all in my head already. But it was a kind of confirmation that I am not the only one who thinks this way of myself. I just think that all that is needed, is time.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost

After so much that I have been through in this twenty years, I really feel that this quote, has summed it all up.

Today would have been a day where I really went out to have fun. Met Leigh earlier in the evening to walk around town in search of ideas. Bumped into Trevor who joined us as well. I must say that my son looks good with his new haircut! Saw Lance with who I assume would be his girlfriend. Look really nice together... =)

Met Chaoda Bear, Brian and Fairy Godma for dinner at Raffles City Cafe Cartel. Heh, what a HUGE load of soft shell crab and mayo! Then the rest of the darlings came, and we finally decided againest CHIJMES and headed to Harry's at the Esplanade. Had, Daiquiri Strawberry, Tequila Sunrise and Sex on the Beach. Pretty nice and fantastic company! Leigh was asking strange questions that just made us all laugh. Topics flew round the table, and everyone was pretty much chilling out and having a good time.

Majority of the people left, with a few of us heading to Maz Brenner's for the much awaited chocolate fix! We shared a chocolate fondue and I had a Suckao with dark chocolate. It was incredible. It was sheer pleasuer to have indulged in decadence. Dark chocolate and milk warmed together into a smooth concoction and enjoyed, that was simply sheer indulgence in ultimate decadence. Leigh and I are going to try and make Max Brenner's a weekly thing for the holidays, to chill out, have fun, and catch up with friends.

"More than anything, I'm in love with chocolate......Chocolate is passionate, it's sexy and prestigious, and I always start my morning by eating a tablet of milk chocolate with nuts..." Well said by Mr. Brenner! =)

Today did help, by going out it did take my mind off things. And well, it is finally kind of setting in. Everything about it I guess. I know what i told you, but for everything that our friendship is worth to me, I really want to make this all go away so things will be back to how it has always been in my heart. Just give me time to try, if not, rest assure that I will try not to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore.

Just got home from school. What a day it was...

Plenty of IG stuff to do. Plenty more in store. Keying in so many SEAL points at one shot is not good for one's sight. But it was good to see everyone again. Well, almost everyone.

Looking forward to the plans that are made for the evening. =) It would be so nice to be able to chill out with people that I dearly miss. It will hopefully help to take my mind off matters too.

There are people who see me and know me better than i thought they do. Thanks for knowing me, and for loving me for all that I am.

Had the chance to talk with a really good friend. Someone whom I have not had the chance to talk to for ages! It felt great to have been able to talk to someone with whom you are so comfortable with. It did help to make me realise that hey, this is what life is all about. To be with the people you love and cherish, and when the world seems to be so nice and happy.

The stillness of the night, the cool breeze touch, the company of you, and hours spent talking. The bus stop will never be the same old bus stop to me anymore. A reminder of our friendship, with many more funny tales and memories to come. I'm glad we talked, and it actually turned out much better than what I had initially expected. From this, I can see the friendship that i have dreamed of with you. Strong and never failing. Tonight it became apparent to me that there is so much more to our friendship that words can express. Some things are better left unsaid eh? Thanks for your trust in me, and thanks for being who you are.

I certainly am taking things very well. In fact, too well. No form of emotions coming through, nothing left for me to decide. But I will stick to what I said, for I want to be true to myself and how I feel.

Well, my dinner's done soon I think. Cup noodles at one-ish in the morning, this is life!

Just for you,

He surrendered the tau sar... =)

Finally, it is over. Everyone was so nervous in the room, then the man of the moment, Mr. Revi Nair eased all the tension with his relaxed behaviour and it all disappeared like magic.

I for one am glad the ordeal is over. Four straight days has been hellish, especially the last two. But now that it is over, it is time to look forward to so much this holidays;

• IG Meeting
• IG Retreat
• Port Dickson/Malacca trip
• Joyce's birthday party
• IG stuff
• DA stuff

Went out with Shaidah after the Marketing paper. Headed to town and boy did we walk alot. I got some shopping done. More than expected. =) A pair of yoga shoes and an Adidas top were purchased at discounted prices, with the latter being a surprised find. We had a smashing good time; chatting, window shopping and laughing so hard! It has been ages since i last laughed so hard that tears rolled down my cheeks!

Heading back to school later, with IG stuff to do and not forgetting the meeting! Have some other stuff to settle, but I am approaching it with mixed emotions. Alot that will need to be done in preparation for the IG stuff tomorrow.

This holidays I have decided that I need to not rest on my laurels and do alot more work than what others may expect of me. I want to puh myself to see how far I can go, to do so much more for everyone, all with the hope that everyone will have a good time during their stay in HTM.

I am covered in dust, and so, I am in desperate need of a shower.

I fear that I will be at a loss for words in front of you. Tongue tied may be the worst case scenario. I have thought of the many ways things may go, but then again, I would not know how to react even if the scenario has been playing in my mind for the countless number of times. I wait with mixed emotions, just hoping that it will all be all right...

I do not know if it's due to fatigue or me being lethargic from sitting around the past few days attempting to study, thus the lack of mobility.

OB was scary. I do not want to even check my answers with anyone. Marketing tomorrow. I sure wish that I had another day to prepare for it. I sure do not think that there will be enough time to go through everything and tackle the case study as well. But I shall persevere and just do my best for tomorrow.

I think my eyes betray me. They reveal too much of me. I wish I were you. Private, strong, resilent. Well, that is how I see you. If I were you, then maybe all of this will not happen.

The headache is almost killing me. Some problems with the IG retreat. Oh well, at least I'm happy that there is still a retreat. just hope that everything will go smoothly.

AR was so-so. I'm not going to comment much on it. In a way, it is good that OB is in the afternoon tmr. that way, i wil have a little bit more time to go through the notes.

Corrinne May has got me hooked since last year, her voice is incredible. As much as it soothes me, I have the problem of being too focused on the song when listening.

This period of time, I am happy to have all my friends around me. I think some friendships have gotten closer, or at least I am again assured that everything is still good.

I just realised that this is close to ramblings. Very varied thoughts.

If I told you that you have been missed, the old times, the good and bad times. Everything that have happened before, I miss them. Would you believe me?

One day down, three more to go. Today was bad, accounting. Eek. I just hope that I will pass. But other than that, I must get on and think positively about everything else! =)

Hey liz dear.. hope all is good and well, study hard for the As!!!

I think during this time of being a little lost, and everything else combined, I have not been the bestest person to be around. I just rattle on and on and on about stuff. There has been someone who has been there, patiently being my listening ear. Thanks shaidah.. *hugz*

Ok now is time to eat AR, sleep AR, breathe AR, drink AR...

The attempt to study has been pretty bad. There is this HUGE mental block. but oh well, i like my new haircut, i feel like the hair is now a tad bit more manageable.