Countless sleepless nights I have endured. While it is partially due to the completion of assignments, the nagging feeling and knowing the dreams will get to me certainly don't make sleeping a very tempting thought.

Fatigue is setting in. Days becoming nights, where life becomes topsy turvy all over again. Eyebags start to appear on this pale sickly face. Running on reserves, the body screams for immediate attention, dire need for rest.

Fleeting thoughts go through the mind. Have I managed to stay on the path I have thought was planned out for me? Am I still here for the same purpose? The change in degree, has it made it any difference in my goals in life?

Sanity. How does one lose it? How does one know when you lose it? How do you gain it back?

Reliance. Are the friends you make the ones that will stick by you? How do you make sure you never lose the ones you really treasure?

Love. To love or be loved. Which is of more importance? To appreciate the moment now or risk it all?

Peace. Something we all need to strike a balance in life and find from within. But in the maddening crowds around, how does one try and stop to breathe, when the world never stops?

Work. It never end does it? How to manage and not fall behind?

Relationships. Love them or hate them, they are here to stay. Tolerance is one of the keys to make them work.

The cold sends shivers down my spine, waking up the senses. The world is beautiful I have come to realise, if I only know what to look at. Autumn's finally here, my heart will rejoice soon enough.

Something light and heart warming in the midst of the misery I feel.

"I love you when you are sober."

That made me smile on the inside. Someone put that in the next chick flick script.

Kev sweets, thank you. I love you for that. You know I do don't you? *hugs*

And I still want polar bear cub knut.

Four nights in a row, I have spent four nights of slumber tossing and turning in my dreams. Dreams of far away places, of people I know, of being in the arms of supposed future other half, of moving furniture around, of bleeding profusely from needle pricks.

I wake up, tired, in need of rest, proper rest. One where I fall so deep into slumber that I wake up refreshed and geared up for the day ahead. Not regretting I ever slept, where I remember the dreams so vividly it feels like it really did happen. The exhaustion from rearranging the room, the pain from the pricks I get from cleaning up the room of needles, the comfort and security I got in the arms of him, where his eyes just told me everything is ok and that there is always him to turn to.

I want to feel the pain and all, the love and fatigue, but not when I need to recharge. Get all these dreams away from me. That's it, I'm drinking myself to sleep.

Slowly but surely, she falls asleep just as the sun is about to rise. Very soon, another day in the life of the dreamer begins.

She stumbles into a brand new day blurry-eyed and with a heavy heart, unsure of what really took place the night before. It doen't take her long to realise when she sees the bloody mess around the room and the fresh gaping wound located in her chest. The numbness has worn off to reveal waves of aches and pain that she thought she would never feel again.

The world goes on, minding its own business. People rushing along, as time ticks away. But the dreamer's world seems to have stopped in time, where she stays in the past, a moment that took place last night, where she once again stood there, vulnerable. She relives the encounter and shudders at how her eyes start to mist. She tries to find that one solid rock that she can hold on to, and brave the storm that she sees ahead of her. But there is nothing, no one there to help tide her through this. The dreamer stands alone, cold and vulnerable.

An obstacle she must overcome, the dreamer is determined to get over this phase. It will only make her stronger, and that in itself will be a battle won. But will the dreamer be able to pull through?

Waking up from a vivid dream, the dreamer should be feeling happiness more than that pang of sadness that surrounds her. A dream of two people going out and doing things in a spur of the moment, things that should be filed in the brain as happy and treasured moments, these all made the dreamer realise the world isn't as pretty as it seems.

With concious effort, she occupies her mind with everything possible to prevent herself from falling further. Trying to clear trays in the dining hall, reading the papers, responding to emails - she tries everything, but to no avail. The tears just roll off her cheeks, and as she feels the warmth and the saltiness of the tears, she is brought back to a time where she was hurt by someone she felt and stood by for so long.

The dreamer finally occupies her mind with mindless chores within her room. But dinner time creeps slowly upon her, and as she stood in line, she could not help but think. Dinner was slow and torturous, and that resulted in her sitting out in fields of serenity and beauty.

As day turned to dusk, she thought that everything would maybe turn out fine, that it was nothing but just a dream . But little did the dreamer know that she was in for a surprise - after waiting for what seemed like forever, he finally spoke. The one she had dreamt of ever so often, the one that meant so much to her.

Hands all clammy, she took a deep breath. With shaky hands she dived into a conversation she had waited in anitcipation but yet was trying to escape from. Her little world of fantasy was starting to look so tempting to stay in when compared to reality.

Words exchanged and what almost seemed like a heated arguement took place. While one party was firm on trying to make peace, the other was hesistant, unsure of what to do, what to say next. Memories came flooding back, and tears again, started to fall. The dreamer takes one blow after another, unsure of how to respond and react to what he says, and can only reach for her only solace in this time of need - something hidden deep within the contents of her wardrobe. Drop by drop, she consumes the foul tasting liquid, in hope that it will make this episode easier to get by.

The exchange continues and after what seems like forever, talking to one another seems hard for her. She never remembered it being so hard to open up to him, to try and understand him. While her mind and limbs start to feel numb from the intoxicating poison, she sums up all her courage to deal with the matter. It felt like forever but it never seemed to be resolved. He knew he was sorry, but the dreamer was not touched by his effort in getting through to her. The dreamer wondered if he truly ever understood what she had gone through. But his words stabbed her heart again and again, making the already bleeding heart nothing but a lump of bloody flesh.

After a few attempts, she manages to end it all. But while everyone around her had long fallen in deep slumber, the dreamer nurses a wound that would not healed after so long. Why did he talk to her with words that almost mean nothing at the end of the day?

The dreamer does not feel the pain now. What just took place almost feels like it never did, like it was just another dream. But perhaps when a new day begins, and the numbeness wears off, the ache of the wounds will not be that easy to ignore. The dreamer can only hope that this misery of hers will end with much haste, before everything else falls apart.

Rushing through the everyday chores in college and school, I have kind of lost myself in it all. It all still seems a little overwhelming still, maybe I have been out of school for too long - everything seems to be going by so fast I need to work harder to catch up.

But that being said, I must admit that I do not pratice what I preach - accomplishing the day's work within the day. Especially so this week with the arrival of my mummys for a visit. A very short trip down to Gold Coast was the most amount of time I had spent with them and while I do not feel the absence since their departure from Brisbane approximately 15 minutes ago, I appreciate the effort and trouble they went through to come all the way to visit.

That said, the visit also meant I have got more things from my family. This also means that I have to pack the room all over again. With a room that isn't that spacious, it may be a tad bit tricky to get everything in its place and create a cosy, condusive environment for my friends and I to be in.

While I have some friends who questioned if I ever did experience any culture shocks, I must say that I like it here pretty much. The people, way of life, service standards, everything I suppose, I feel rather comfortable with it all.

School work needs to be rushed and done this weekend. St. Patrick's Day, too bad I won't be decked out in green and having fun. One thing I hope to gain from these 2 years - to learn to live life the way the aussies do.

Well got to go, can't be using Kevin's laptop forever. Hope everything is good back home!

Everyday I check my email with anticipation. But the day will always end with a tinge of disappointment. This is getting to be so much harder than I thought it to be.

School work is getting a little crazy. The workload isn't alot ... yet. But there is so much I don't get because I missed the first lecture and I have myself to blame for not pushing myself hard enough to read day and night.

When someone's behaviour reminds me of you, I show no mercy of being a horrible bitch to him. And for that, I'm really sorry to him (you know who you are).

Hello everyone, my name's Karin, and stupidity is my middle name.

A group of student from Emmanuel College did our part to help maintain the scenic greenery around college grounds by taking part in Clean Up Australia Day today.

A yearly event, Clean Up Australia Day sees many australians getting together to do good for the environment. 4th March 2007 was no different, and equipped with gloves and trash bags, the student set off to pick up trash along Sir William MacGregor Drive.

Bottles, cans and tabs were the most common trash picked up, with the occassional tennis balls (or what was left of them) and styrofoam. While the students tried to pick up as much litter around as possible, the rubbish that was washed up to the sides of the river was hard to reach and had to be left behind.

Some prized possessions found during clean up were a green wig, an old police baton (which may be really handy for the Hall Porter), and of course, the writer herself found a beer mug - merchandise of another college.

What took a mere two hours or so resulted in approximately 10 bags of trash. While it may not be alot, at least the group of students helped made a difference to those living around them.

Clean Up Australia Day takes place on the first Sunday of March and for more information please go to http://cleanup.org.au/au/.

First week of school's over. While it didn't fly by me as quickly as I thought it would, the thought of heading into tutorials next week worry me. I feel very ill-prepared for school, like I am just going through the motions of it all because everyone is doing a degree. Eek. Not good.

It has been a bit of a challenge trying to stay awake to do my readings. While it may be due to the lack of a fan in my room, I think I need to focus on getting work done. Thank goodness for Kevin, who was nice enough to allow me to use his place to read the other night. Does help that he makes tea for me upon request. =)

Was at Kevin's again last night, and we went out to buy groceries for the boys. First time doing proper grocery shopping here! I couldn't help but smile. I miss grocery shopping, I miss stocking up the kitchen, and to an extent I wish I had a kitchen to try cooking.

The friends at college have been awesome. While I may be the oldest, I don't really feel it most of the times. It feels like the good old days back in poly, where we just all go crazy. There are the inside jokes and all of course, but that's bound to happen.

I need to get into the habit of reading the papers and everything else everyday, even if it means lacking sleep. I need to get that thought into this really thick skull of mine.

Home sick? Not yet. Just miss cooking food like instant noodles and cup noodles as and when I want to. The tim-tams I bought are still on the shelf (and I am very proud of that), but I think I need to clear the shelves for books really soon.

Mummy is coming by in a week or so. While it will be good to have her around, I doubt that I will have the time to do much since I will be busy with my assignments.

Went for a couple of dance lessons this week, while it was good to dance, I realised that my joints are acting up, again. I wonder how will i juggle work with everything else. There is so much to do that I don't want to miss out but yet I know that I am here for my education. Ugh. I guess it's time to prioritise!

It's lazy Saturday. It's hot, too many people partied last night to do much today, and there is just a tiny bit of us doing work today. While the rest snooze in bed or head out to the city, I shall just stay here in my humble little room and continue with my readings.

Happiness comes in many forms - getting hugs, sitting with friends for lunch, cleaning a table hoping the owners would like the vanilla scent, reading smses where friends met their dream guys. The list goes on. I like saturdays like this. I feel loved.

In the wee hours of the morning I am crying my heart out. You have messed up my insides more than enough. No more, enough is enough. I want to have nothing to do with anything or anyone that reminds me of you. If it means blocking them all on msn, I will. If it means not going back to Singapore during the breaks, I will.

This is my limit, this is all that I can take. I shall rid myself out of this misery.

Lectures have started and it seems like there is so much for me to read and do! Books to order and buy, trying to settle down and focus. People to meet and socialise with, clubs and more to join and take in the entire university and college life. A whole lot thrown at one shot, woah.

But that aside, I have to start reading alot about Australia, its history, politics, the government and so much more. This isn't a steep learning curve, it's like one of the biggest challenges I have got in front of me ever.

Thank goodness for friends though. I smile thinking about the hugs I receive from darlings when we part outside the Hall Porter's Office, when someone offers to make me tea in their room, when they smile when i offer to wash my mug after tea, when I get patted on my back as I cough my lungs out, when we all laugh and get lost in dance. I am starting to get used to life and loving it!

I haven't heard from you since I last wrote. Perhaps it was a waste of my money and time. I have decided not to give myself any more false hopes. No more checking of my mail hoping to hear from you, thinking that I was so so wrong about you. No more wishing that I will have the chance to be proven wrong about calling you names and being truthful to you. No more waking up from dreams where it hurt so bad, I actually cry in my sleep. No more thoughts of you that chase away my happy days. No more you in my life. Period. I deserve better, not just as a PTS, but as what I think is a bestie, as a friend, as a human. IN all politness I will thank you for being my PTS and my bestie for the last 6 odd years. While I haven't always turned to you, I am glad to have had the opportunity to be there for you in times of need. I don't think I mean that much as you tell me I do to you, so this is goodbye.