Today I have decided. The friends that I have avoided will be avoided no more. The wounds are still healing but there comes a time when you realise you need to face it all and just go with the flow.

And I am getting very irritated with my stupid room phone. I hate calling with a PhoneAway card. Bleah.

Tonight I realised one thing - I have issues to deal with.

Not with anyone else, but with myself.

Why?

Well, it has come to my conclusion that I always have problems with friends. I mean sure, everyone has it, but how many of us actually have issues where in the end the one who feels reali hurt but not tell a soul? Where somehow you figure that maybe leaving the group is for the better of everything else.

It's not about being the 'hero' or anything for the matter. It's about giving in to the entire thing. Where you have no clue how things become as such, and with eveyrthing else going along in life. What should one do? Try to fix it when maybe it will not help? Or just bear with it and move on, hoping that it will all work out by itself?

Finding out how people view you. When it's something not nice, how does one not feel hurt by it? But life goes on does it not?

Tonight I realise one thing. While it is definitely not possible to be an island on your own, one can feel very very lonely in this very very crowded world we live in.

I just realised that I have not thanked some people.

To Shu and Xiu, thank you for your emails. I have read them and will reply to them soon. When I can find the time to give you proper replies. Hasty replies are not nice, since you guys managed to make me amile with yours.

fairygodma and fagan, for being people whom I can occasionally drop one line conversations to via msn and not feel weird about it. Agree, we are all busy. So maybe that's all good, one line conversations that is. Beats having nothing.

kelvin sim (see I managed not to call you sir), if you read this, thank you for the constant chatting online of late. I can't recall if this will be a stressful period for u now since exams should be around the corner, but remember that there is this crazy girl down under for you to rant to!

There are others, but they know how much I love them already.

May not be online quite a bit the next few days. Choralfest tonight, college ball tomorrow, and most probably catching up on sleep the next few days. But with work, I may pop back online. So till I see all of oyu online darlings! *smooches*

I have been thinking of what to write, seeing that penning my thoughts out help me feel better. But all that I can think of is how disappointed I am, in myself.

The fact that my tolerance level for many a thing has gone down the drain, I am starting to have double standards in certain issues in life. Maybe I am tired, maybe I am burnt, but I have also reached points where some things I simply cannot not think and let it go.

It's most probably me, I figured. Can't be anyone else's fault if I feel left out and out of the loop.

Feeling tired and lethargic despite the hours of sleep. Think I am falling ill.

With all the things that run through my head, I am scared. For I am taking a more mature stand on things, which can only mean one thing - I am growing up.

Maybe it's the age, maybe it's the train of thought? One's mentality to things? I don't know. Maybe it's a combination of allthe above and more.

I need to breathe. Find out what's happening to make things seem to spin out of control. And the last thing I need is to start feeling homesick. It has not happened and it better not.

It could be a case of stress, as Rob suggests. But from what? Choralfest is tomorrow and I don't think I am stressed out by it.

It's time I take up more to stop all this stupid thoughts running wild im my mind.

Breathe, just breathe.