The end of this chapter and the start of a new one

So it's over. I toiled through those 2 years in a degree I did not set out doing when I flew to Brisbane.

Looking back, time certainly did fly by really quickly. There are things I wish I could have done differently, but every single choice and action I made, made me who I am today.

So the ceremony is over and I have received my very precious and valuable certificate. Searching for a summer job has been difficult since I couldn't start till recently. The trip with the family in BNE has took its beating on me, wearing me down being in such close proximity of people I have not lived with for the last 2 years.

Funny how my first job upon graduating maybe a paper delivery one. Not complaining. I hope I do get it so I do get some money and do something productive with my life. Something is better than nothing.

But the peek into the future seems bleak for the moment. I for one have no idea what job it is I want to do specifically. It can be frustrating knowing my peers have got jobs, already in jobs and certain of what they want and have it. I'm not expecting to be spoon fed job offers, but the search online has started a few months back and either I'm not looking in the right places or there is nothing I am qualified for.

The worse part of it is I know I have nothing outstanding to offer to companies. I have no flair in writing, I do not have the experience to be in the service industry from a degree holder's level. Maybe I need to spend the year working for free to gain the experience and do courses to better myself.

There have been times I wish I was in the shoes of friends. They who are either very blessed and can work towards what they want, and those who well, have the luck to just be at the right place at the right time.

For now, I guess I will let it all be in the wind. I will continue searching without any clear direction and pray that I will find my way soon.

The next best thing to knowing that you are done with a course is how you can now throw every single scrap of paper you have - lecture notes, course profile, scribbles of assignments and what not into the bin and suddenly, you see that much more of your work table.

*smile*

One of the things that I will miss about being in Australia is the amazing strawberries one can enjoy during its season.

I know that not many people appreciate this little delights (Tom included), but they are just so good.

It is almost the end of the berry season but the punnet I purchased at Market Day earlier are just so sweet and juicy.

The best part of it all, they have this fantastic fresh fragrant smell that just brightens up my day.

This berries are best eaten by themselves for any cream and/or sugar will just mask their natural sweetness.

Sigh, I don't think that I can ever look are strawberries in Singapore's supermarkets the same way again.

Just realised that I wrote the entire entry in one line pars. Damn, this 'occupational hazard'.

My mid-semester break went by in a flash. Made me wonder what on earth did I do with my very last mid-sem break before the final stretch of uni.

Coming back to college was really hard. A week of sleep, read and eats was very hard to tear myself away from. This six weeks will be pretty hellish, especially this coming two weeks where I have four submissions due.

I wished I had more chances for fun like the weekend that just passed. Not the kind of go-out-and-chill fun, but silly-no-expenses-paid fun. Tom and I shared several funny moments playing scissors paper rock like we were back in school. I admit, it seems childish but I have never had such carefree fun in a while.

The start of a new week. It's been a good weekend spent resting.

Last week I went about doing a story for my production course and we covered one about Meals on Wheels here in Australia. To cut the long story short, I found myself getting emotional while filming the interview. Guess journalism especially those human interest isn't really my thing.

Spent a good part of Thursday talking to Ryna and Candice online. Thank goodness for them. Their frank opinion and understanding of me helped give me insight to what should be my next step.

My graduation ceremony is now slightly less than three months to go. Excitement but with nothing decided it is a little scary.

The recent few days and maybe weeks have been spent trying to be online more often. Chats with close friends make me a tad bit homesick.

The boy just got a new game for the Wii, time to run over to check it out!

Love you all!

Some of you may know that I have been a really lucky girl this year. I got an all-in-one present (birthday, christmas, graduation combined), a Nikon DSLR, the D80 to be precise.

Now when I was deciding about it earlier in the year I was contemplating the D80 which is a model that is 2 years old, with waiting it out for a new model that was rumored to be released later in the year. But with the Nikon anniversary sale, the D80 came in a bundle package that my friends fond of photography recommended.

Yesterday I found out that the new DSLR by Nikon was released last week! The D90 sounds impressive, especially with the video mode. Similar dimensions and functions to that of my baby, the D90 can take photos with an amazing 12.3 mega-pixels! Very impressive.

I couldn't find a price on the website, perhaps it's too new. But while part of me was wishing I had a chance to look at this hottie before deciding on my gift I am kind of glad I did get the D80. It may not have the video function, but I guess that is something I don't want to have in my DSLR. I would rather get a proper handycam if I wanted though Nikon boasts that the D90 can film at 24 frames per second which is really good.

I don't really know why I am blogging this. I guess I needed to type. Type something not related to work, to journalism for the moment. Something not entirely an issue, not an update. But just to let my train of thoughts flow.

All in all, I'm glad I got my D80. Sure it isn't the latest but for the price I know I got a good deal. Plus it has been known to be one of the better models Nikon has for people who are from entry level and want to use their DSLR in the long run.

Now all I need is time, to understand my baby better, to know how to use it properly to justify my gift. Heh.

In other news, the real baby, Tom has turned 21 at the stroke of midnight! I know he doesnt read this much (in fact maybe not at all!) but just in case, happy birthday sweetheart!

I'm thinking of turning back to Him. To seek some form of peace with Him and walk side by side with Him. It seems like another very difficult decision to make since I have sidetracked for so many years. I guess tiny steps will do for now. I'm just glad that my faith in him, trust and believe has never faltered, so it may not be that bad after all!

Ah, the first day of spring.

For someone who comes from a country without the four seasons, it has actually been really nice to sense the transition from winter to spring. A tinge of warmth slowly sneaks in with the cool days and days start to last longer than what one has grown used to.

I'm liking the start of this spring. It feels promising. Perhaps I could try to do a picnic or something. That would be fun.

The weekend spent at Tom's home was nice. His mum cooked up a feast so big that there was so much food left! And I will not get started on the really rich chocolate cake they got.

Think Tom can now be a spokesperson for Nintendo. With his old PS2 and Guitar Hero controllers, a DS Lite from me and then a Wii from his family, his room is starting to look a tad bit cramp but the dream room of any bloke.

Weeks have been tiring. Just last week's production tutorial lasted 7 hours straight. I pretty much now live by the week and boy will I be glad to make it to the mid semester break to refresh and recharge myself for the final stretch.

Thoughts of doing post-grad is starting to look sketchy at the moment. It seems tempting at times but sturggling through this now make me question if I am really up for it. One side of it is that I won't be pursuing Journalism but a Business in either hospi, tourism or events. But some friends feel that it may make me over qualified. I think for me, it's a now or never thing. I don't think that I will ever stop work to pursue Masters in the future.

I just can't really seem to decide.

Anyone out there, any views on it? I would really appreciate it.

It is to be expected that the taste in television programmes should differ between a guy and a girl, and in an unexpected twist, Tom has now got me hooked on Dexter.

He introduced the show to me once last semester but I never took a liking to it. Blood, murder, serial killer... the ingredients for a guys show. I recall the first time I watched it I turned away from the screen, squirmish from the sight of blood (though fake).

But in the span of slightly more than a week, we have already finished the entire first season. Sometimes two or three episodes in a seating. I can't really put a finger down to why I have a sudden change of heart. I must admit that the suspense that the show builds up towards the end is pretty cool. The storyline in my opinion was really good. Couldn't help but laugh everytime I managed to guess what was in store for me as the story unfold.

The second season seems promising, but I'm making Tom (and myself) wait till our monthly anniversary. Why? I chanced upon the dvd set of the season at Borders the other day, packaged with a kit similar to that of Dexter's signature; a blood sample, glove... Looked cool and thought the boy would appreciate it for the anniversary.

Heading out to interview talents in a while. Thank goodness my partner drives. The semester has had way too many bumps along the way, but despite it taking up so much time and effort, I guess the hands on classes give some variety to the learning journey.

On a happier note, I will be heading to the Gold Coast tomorrow for Tom's 21st party in the weekend. Somehow excited at the thought of seeing all his siblings and family again. I guess Tom is right, with no family here, I somehow seek comfort in them being my other family.

Well, sort of.

Tired. Runny nose. Body aches. Fatigue.

Stupid flu. Been down and out for the last four odd days. And just when I seem to get a tiny bit better, the attack of the cramps start.

Leaving tutes early seemed like a joke to the staff, thinking I just wanted to find an excuse.

I'm quite tired of all the nonsense to be honest. I don't know if it's because the school itself has way too many flaws or if I am finding fault with them.

It almost makes me certain that furthering my studies is quite out of the question.

Maybe I am not suited for studies after all.

It's not that I'm not trying. I have, I saw the opportunity and I'm holding it tight. But when some things just happen to stop you what do you do? Do you fight?

I would, but I can't. I can't change some things that are not within my control. And all these may lead to me finally screwing up my studies.

I guess I was always right, I am useless.

It's only day two of the semester and I am already tired. What's meant to be a week of only lectures and settling in has turned full swing into a week with almost all tutorials all (though not indicated in the time table) and assignments already given out.

It's the last semester, the last stretch in this part of education that I never thought I would venture into. Journalism - I can say for sure now that this will most probably not be the path I will take in life. Not the kind I'm learning at uni anyway.

Wanted to blog in the holidays but honestly sitting down in front of a computer typing was one of the last things I wanted to do then. Spent alot of time sleeping, eating, watching cable and just enjoy being in a house with people outside of college. Baked some cakes which turned out really good. Rich but good.

Can't believe the birthday is creeping up on me. It feels almost just like a few weeks ago that I was out at Friday's celebrating with another 3 July 25 babies. Already got a few gifts, mostly from Tom and his family, and from my parents. Can't wait to open them!

I think this final semester is crunch time. I failed to find any company in the Gold Coast offering internships during the break and that has resulted in me taking on all 4 classes at one go when they are seem so overwhelming at the moment. Oh well, it's my fault things turned out like that. Just got to suck it up.

I know I don't have many friends I can turn to always but I'm glad I got the few I can turn to. Let's not forget the boy who has been absolutely amazing to me this year.

Starting to feel old in college. Goodness. heh.

Anyway time for lunch!

Been going through some photos and I have one question in mind -

Why does it seem like Rasa Sentosa Resort is a popular choice with youths to hold their wedding there?

Today I kept a prayer for you and your loved ones in my heart.

At the time of the funeral I kept an hour of silence. In the still of that hour, I took the time to not only remember you and pray that your friends and loved ones can find closure with time.

Till the next time we meet Clifton, I will always remember that smile of yours.

Hearing from loved ones of late haven't always been a good thing. Today I received another sad piece of news that adds on to the my sense of loss and grief in the last couple of weeks.

She was someone whom despite the communication barrier, always thought of me and asked about me. Despite the lack of quality time spent with her, I am grateful that I managed to do what I set out to do before she passed.

We weren't the closest of friends but his smile always brightened up my day. A pity that the past year or so I have been away and never tried hard enough to maintain the friendship we had. But there isn't any regrets for he has still touched my life and have been a part of it, and will be remembered.

"To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die."

- Thomas Campbell

It's almost the end of the semester.

Two more assignments.

I am so tired I can't even focus on the finish line ahead anymore. Fatigue sets in, and clouds my judgement and sensible inner voice.

Prediction of grades are going to be interesting. This semester my grades are pretty much either really high or barely scraping through.

The hopes of doing an internship rather than a group production seems bleaker by the minute. Have not finished the prerequisite classes due to this 'accelerated' I'm taking to do this degree. Damn.

Living one day at a time. Goodness, I really cannot wait for the days to get by.

The last assignments are a pain. I pretty much am lost in them and totally uninspired to gather facts, research and ideas.

Will blog again soon. With better days ahead, they would be alot more chirpier, I hope.

I must be honest and confess that I have been wanting to blog many times in the last few days, but somehow I have become lazy, and well, my mind wanders elsewhere.

Went to the city for a bit of sushi at this place which I have found a few rave reviews. Not too bad, but the price makes it really hard for me to part with the cash in my wallet.

And of course there was the Wing Outing, where I tried something I never did. And I guess it turned out alot better than I expected. Skirmish was rather fun. All except the walk up this really steep slope before the first half of the game that left me gasping for air! I was really hesistant about skirmish, but am really glad I went. And I was so excited to get bruises!

School is drawing to and end really soon. Like a month? Then the winter break awaits me. A month in the Gold Coast is definitely a break I am looking forward to, since I get to meet Tom's sister who's down for a holiday and some family time. And not forgetting Buble's concert in June too, oh can't wait!

Meanwhile, assignments and falling ill are getting the better of me. And suddenly I have become tired and lethargic. No amount of sleep can seem to do any wonders to me and my aching body.

The cold is here, time for the long pants, tights and pretty sweaters and jackets. My first winter turned out great last year, and this year I hope alot more good things will happen.

So guys, how have you been doing?

Sometimes even being pushed into a corner you feel defeated and find no way to muster up any strength to fight.

I often wonder how thing would be like with a ton of 'what ifs'.

The mind needs to slow down and focus on the present more than struggle to grasp the strings connecting to all my thoughts and worries.

I feel smothered in something. What it is I have no idea but then again, everything seems a blur.

The year is flying by. It's as though I am wasting time doing something I am not even sure of.

My confidence is slowly flying out the window.

The optimism I had coming into the year has long turned to ashes.

Life isn't bleak, but at the same time, I am having difficulty finding that ray of sunshine to motivate myself.

I am tired.

Very distracted from school work at the moment, despite the deadlines looming very near. Was blog surfing when I came across some really good news. To this friend of mine, I am so so happy for you fairygodma, sorry I won't be there but hey, you know that I would LOVE to be there no? Time will fly and before you know it you would have to send me pictures of the joyous occasion ok? *BIG hug*

This led me to being in a really happy mood for the last 30 minutes and I know how some of you say I never post pictures? Well here is one, of me and the boy. The first picture of us posted here? I think so.

Everyone meet the boy, Tom!

I know many of you will not have a chance to meet him anytime soon, but rest assure that he does treat me well and is really nice to me. If you have anything to say to him or ask, just drop comments on the blog and he will get to it ok?

Waffles anyone?

Starting to get cold over here. While I am excited so that I get to wear my nice winter wear I got, a wave of sadness overwhelms me. Winter approaching means the semester ending. This means that it won't be too long till I will face what could possibly be my final semester in school forever.

The future awaits, and for the moment, I am not that keen on stepping on that new adventure.

Time flies when one gets carried away with the daily routine of school and love. Somehow the semester seems to be flying by much faster than I expected it to.

The struggle with school continues as the classes I take get more technical and more time pressing since that is how journalists work. I find myself figuring the easiest things out with great difficulty while many others just sail through them. Their ideas and work methods and experience sometimes just scares me a little to be honest.

But while all this is happening, I have someone who treats me right and is a life saver. The boy took me to the Blues Festival at Byron Bay during the Easter break, and the rest in the Gold Coast was much appreciated. On this special day, I just want to say thank you love. Nine months have past and you have really been my pillar of strength in many occasions, and I really want to thank you for everything.

Social life wise, it is good to have one or two familiar faces around. Their laughter and constant chatter has been god sent. And the friends around them that I have started to cherish as well, they put a smile on my face, especially someone whom I somehow met last year at a bus stop. =)

And to Steph! I know it is belated but CONGRATULATIONS ON OFFICIALLY GRADUATING! I don't know if you are still in Perth but I hope that you had good time back there with Tun and where your 'second home' is/was.

Oh, does anybody want to watch Phantom with me? I watched it already but I got the understudy as my Phantom and honestly, it is THAT GOOD that I want to watch it again! SO anyone here who wants to watch it please let me know!

And strangely enough, I was pretty annoyed/upset/agitated the last few days but I have come to terms with some things in life. People just need to accept that things don't always go there way and move on. If they like to live in their world where they thing themselves as saints and I'm the bitch, I'm all for it.

With my friends and family with me, with everything else going for me at the moment, who needs to care about scum?

xoxo
me

ps: I know you miss me.

A month since I have returned to Australia, it's amazing how some things never change.

The week spent preparing for O week was good. Tiring but thankfully peaceful. O week itself was a week I don't think would be easy to forget.

Then school. This semester seems rather taxing. And on top of all my my commitments I am thinking of taking up a job. Well I guess we will see what I can juggle.

And of course, there is the reunion with the boy. He, whom I absolutely adore has been nothing but a sweetheart since his return. Spending time with me, and getting to know my girls in the wing as well. Heart.

Oh yes, KELLY CLARKSON. I went with Mich to watch her perform on Sunday? It was AMAZING! Ok it felt short but she sang one song after another, no delays. It was a simple set up, no fancy costume changes and dancers of that sort, but my goodness, hearing her live gave me goosebumps. She is that freaking awesome. I am so so so in love with her voice! *swoon*

Well time to get some work done. Will get in touch with some of you really soon! I miss you darlings back home!

xoxo

Almost packed. Bags aplenty, feeling countless too.

This time, there is more hesistation, more uncertainty, reluctance as comepared to the year before.

But the holidays spent at home is good, memorable. Thank you to all who made it so beautiful.

I will be back really soon. Ten months from now, I would have graduated, and ready to join the workforce.

But now I bid farewell to you my friends, to the food, lifestyle and culture that I have been brought up with. And step back into my other world, the other part of my life.

Going to miss all of you!

xoxo

Sometimes I wonder if my mind's messed up.

I guess it is.

For the better in the future, I need to change.

Change - something everyone resolutes to do in a new year.

This new year has begun with some shaky issues and now I know I need to wake up and fight for what I want.

All I ask is for you to be there for me, to help me through this, to be proud of me at the end of it all.