Breathe. That's what I need to do.

Free. My mind from all these unwanted worries.

Embrace. Change for the good or bad. Life's a bitch at times, we can't always have our cake and eat it.

Trust. Myself and put everything in His hands. He will help guide me.

Love. Everyone I have within reach. Life's too short too worry and hate.

---

That aside, I think King's just had a fire alarm go off. Is it the second one already? Well well.. the joy of living next to a guys college.

The sun rays peeked out from behind the clouds. Such lovely weather to sit out on the grass, to watch the world go by. Armed with a chick lit novel, the dreamer sits under a tree. The birds around chirp as they fly by, the childen's laughter fill the air. Pages of the book rustle as the cool breeze goes by. No more worries in the world, the dreamer drifts into a world of her own...

Now that, would be an ideal way to spend this splendid Sunday.

But I decide to stay in my room. Still tired from the week's worth of slogging. Would sleep but then I need to get some work done. A nap would do me good I suppose.

It's time the clown does her final act. As the curtains draw and she takes her final bow, she knows it's all over. Remove the make-up and see the emptiness that she feels in her eyes. It's time for her to leave the crowd and she thinks her time for depature is now.

Four assignments down. Saying it has been a hellish week might be a bit of an understatement. I don't think that I will do well since half the assignments are second year courses, where I have not even grasp the concepts of it all yet.

But with that over and done with, it's time to move on.

A quiet weekend it will be for me. At least the whole of today was very quiet. More like how things were when I first arrived - I am alone, in my own thoughts, thinking.

Everyone is out. in my little room with trusty Keiko (my laptop), and iTunes, I am able to hide from everything outside. Shutting out the noise and laughter.

The weeks have flown by, and the exams will sooner or later be just around the corner. This time, I cannot afford to slacken, I need to do what I am here to do. To receive an education which I feel will enrich my life better than what I can get back home. This experience will be one that will make me a better person holistically.

Sounds ambitous I suppose but that was what I had planned for myself when the family decided that they were willing finance me through this new chapter in my life. Their thoughtfulness and efforts must not go to waste.

The rain has come. I think everyone in Brisbane welcomes it with open arms, especially with the level five drought we have been facing for a while. But no one else will feel as happy and as relieved about the rain as I am. For today, I woke up with dark clouds glooming, but as with this evening's rain, I hope it will chase my grey skies away and welcome the new day that lies ahead of me.

Two down, two more assignments to go.

This has to be the hardest week so far when it comes to school. The week I got my worst panic attack, and it doesnt help that the people I know for sure that I can turn to now cannot help me, and are so far away.

Pizza and movie was the plan of the night I think. Decided to skip it though I would really love being there.

I'm just confused. And I don't want to be. But at the same time, I don't want to know the truth.

Tried to get my mind off stuff by cleaning my room, but it feels like something else needs to be done.

I want to go for a walk but I don't know where to go to.

I hate it when I get this feeling. Like I know I'm going to be getting myself hurt for nothing whatsoever.

Maybe the only thing I can do now is to get involved in so many things that I won't have time to think about anything and just be alone.

If you read this, I miss how things were. To have the sudden change of things, I am finding it hard to accept. How does one decide to go from close friends to just friends in a blink of an eye?

I need a drink.

Just took place on msn not too long ago:

py: have i told you recently how much i love and appreciate you? =]

I feel loved. thanks sweets. You make the current situation i'm in that much better. *hugs*



Make this the goal of YOUR day - find someone you really treasure and tell them how much you appreciate and love them.

Trust me, it will make a difference to the person's day.

Amazing how this is my 200th post on this blog.

I almost couldn't find breathing space in the vast lands of this wonderful country. The walls felt like they were just closing in on me. The deadlines are a little more than I can take. Time management problem? Maybe, but I know I am doing my best for this.

It's like all form of motivation had just mysteriously disappeared. I don't realli have the will nor the strength to go through it all like back in poly. Those were the days I suppose, where I was strong-willed enough to go get everything done - be it good or bad.

The desire to come over here and do my best has faded away. All that's left is just, this souless individual going through the everyday chores.

Personal life wise, I almost feel like I have screwed up what I thought of as the most surprising friendships I thought I would make here. I honestly never thought I would befriend someone that would make me smile and cheer me up with his quirky antics. And then in my stupidity, I managed to petty much destroy it all. While things seem ok now, it can never be the same again. I miss the closness of what we had, and the times of seriously ridiculous laughter. But now its like something glued back together - it looks good and whole, but there are the invisible cracks that only the ones who try to put it back together can see. I miss him more than he knows, and more than I woul dlike to I must admit. And for once in a very long time, maybe I finally sense some sort of dependency I have on a person. There is only so much one can reminicse I guess. Sigh.

The night is young and the assignments call for my attention. I can only pray that in this week, I am able to turn to Him for sanity and for calmness and peace. And that in Him, I will find the way out of this and of course, remember to breathe.

ok so I got tagged. I hardly do this but since I got tagged not once but TWICE, and I'm pretty much going crazy here. Why not?

Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

*Ok, I can't think of weird things. Brain is not functioning well. I will just get stuff written I suppose.

1. Despite looking or behaving like some social animal, I hardly ever go to clubs. Well, I only go for like functions/ events like birthdays and school parties. But hardly.

2. I hug something like a pillow everywhere i am in the house. So now I hug a pillow very much in my room all the time, and when I'm over at friends' places. As long as somewhere feels kinda like home, I need to hug something.

3. Hug related again. I am a BIG BIG fan of hugs. Think thats pretty obvious to many of you. Without hugs I get well, down.

4. Problems get to me alot. Even if its the exams or anything that is suppose to be of more importance, I need to try n clear the matter first.

5. If you have gorgeous eyes, and you are my friend, you may very well have me staring at you for a long long time. (No not in the freaky way of course. Just like some super freaky stalker maybe. lol)

6. I like my sleep as much as the average person (I think this will be shocking revelation to the people in EMC). But I don't let my body allow that fact to sink into the system any deeper when i realise it. Especially not when I need to get things done. I will try to push till I complete whatever I need then I will rest. For me sleep takes up alot of time cos I know I need alot of sleep. YEs, Maybe more than you Kev.

Hmm.. Ok I'm suppose to tag 6 other people. Well, I'm scrolling through my links and I guess its down to TUTYLICIOUS, MIMI, KERF (aft ur exams and all of course), FAGAN, CELENA & AIDEMONDO!

stil haven updated about melbourne and gold coast and every other thing. Pretty much lagging in so many ways it's scary.

HIghlight that must be told, I joined the FREE HUGS movement thingy, just coincidental, so yeah, did it for a good 5 odd minutes before I continued my evening in MElbourne. Anyone else up for FREE HUGS?

Confusion fills the head and clouds the mind. Is it wrong to take the first step and approach the problem?

It is uncertain how and why things have turned out as such. Again, the question that never fails to surface, "Am I really that hard to talk to?". Talking to others it seems pretty ok, but in front of me it seems I need to pry open your mouth.

I don't know how to initiate conversation with you anymore. I'm tired of having to make you talk to me.

This is screwed up. I can't concentrate.

I ask you what kind of friendship it is you want 'cos I don't know anymore and you don't reply.

I have taken the first step in so many things. What more do you want out of me?

"Enough. Enough now."

- Mark, Love Actually

It was unfortunate that I had to bear witness once again how fragile the heart can be.

The cries that can bring a grown man to tears heard by my very ears, the heartache and sadness I can see in her eyes, it brought me to a time not too long ago where I cried my heart out in my room.

What can one do other than wait for time to help heal the wounds? I can only hope that the tulips and chocolates will help make this a little easier to get through.

Confining myself to my room may be the best thing now. Assignments aplenty, I think I have failed to manage my time well. The deadlines are catching many unaware (or at least we think we are), and now with less than half a day of mid-semester break left, many are in a frenzy to hit the books for exams or finish work.

With my bag of Mars eggs, beverages, a 'r'-less keyboard, and all things related to journo work, I am ready to work the night through.

All that's left is for me to insist on having a peace of mind and move on.

Gold Coast was fun, Melbourne was amazing.

While all that was great, it's time to head back to the books.

Being Friday the 13th, I managed to break the catch underneath the 'r' key on my keyboard. Now my laptop looks ugly, and I'm sad especially since it isn't even 6 months old yet! Hopefully the repair shop will get back to me asap.

It's hard to get back into the motion of getting assignments done. It was hard when I took a year off, it's even harder now with a mid-semester break.

I read Berry's blog and I teared.

I can't believe that I was not there to bid the fountain farewell. The place where I got to know Rahim, the Show Tech guys proper, the fountain staff. Where I sang national day songs like crazy during the national day and everyone followed suit. Where we get screamed at by guests and we get bumbed by it and smile it off.

Every CC I get fired up for it, from the very first one I had to do. I still remember it so vividly - being the only from Fort going for CC, I was running late and everyone thought me mad being so keen on it. The energy level was so high. At every fountain show, the rush of guests entering and leaving our beautiful fountain garden, the mesmerising show that has our emcee prancing around. Us and our 'light-sabre's'... the list goes on.

Funny incidents of guests demanding access since it is a gated event (when it is not), and tour guides who think they rule over us. But they failed to realise one thing, the fountain is ours to guard, not theirs to demand.

And let's not even forget the times I was there doing voice-overs for FOY. And of course, spending the nights there with island people who love me so so much.

It is sad that I never had the chance to bid farewell to it proper. No shots of me there. No shots of me on the stage. I can't think of any other place on island where guests and staff together share the joy and all leave with smiles on our faces.

I saw a picture of the Songs of the Sea opening in the paper of MX the other day. It brought a smile to my face, but then, my heart broke. It meant my fountain show is gone. No more madness, no more fun together, nothing to look back on.

Berry is right, it's almost like the death of a close friend. How do you say goodbye without being there? Sad might be an understatement now.

Back from Melbourne but while that was fun, nothing seems to occupy my mind more than that now.

Easter break now.. and with the week's long mid-semester break, I am now typing in the comfort of my cousin's place in Melbourne.

Despite not sleeping almost NOTHING for the last few days (due to assignments), I managed to get packed and all to get ready for this trip!

Melbourne has been good so far. Kerf has been great to me as well. Loving the weather here and I really don't feel like going back to Brisbane. THe lifestyle here and everything that goes on in the city, how do I put itm its just bustling with activities! Maybe I just stayed within college grounds for too long. I need to get out more. Hmm..

Flying back on Sunday. Then doing some work before another two day break to th Gold Coast! =)

I like Kerf's pillow, and oh so tempted to kidnap it back to Brisbane. *grin*