The festive season has come and gone. Too quickly for me to even notice the things I would have in the past. The fun, the laughter, the warmth of being surrounded by family and friends, the gifts, the meet ups, the love.

But this year I failed to feel the hype of the holiday, the excitement that I was so prone to get just a mere six months before the special season. Where I would brave the crowds in Orchard and the malls to get gifts that will burn an amfully huge hole in my pocket but I know will be well received by my loved ones.

This is strangely ironic since this is my first holiday back after being away for over 10 months. Surely the excitement and everything fun and good must still be there, no? Why has it all disappeared, like I am actually better off being back Down Under?

And despite not doing much the last month or so. I am tired. Maybe more tired than I have been in the semesters before. Thank goodness for some friends who still bother to ask me out, but sorry that I can't attend most of them, family obligations that I cannot say no to.

If this is what it's like to take the back seat, I don't really like it. But hey, I will learn to get used to it.

Just a very short email, almost a one liner from the boy.

That made my day.

Merry christmas everyone.

Recently I have not been feeling like it has been the best of days. Alot has happened in a short span of time and the feelings are mixed.

The recent turn of events around me have made me realised how fortunate I am. That I still have loving parents who care for me, love me and support me in more ways than I can ever imagine. That my brother though not very expressive, loves me and is willing to do anything within his means to make me a better person.

But at the same time, I cannot help but feel saddened by it all. Sure, I am not affected directly, but indirectly, I also feel the loss and hurt that the loved ones are going through.

There isn't much to help with, but the thoughts and worry will always be there.

I guess time will heal the wounds and hurt. Or at least we pray it to be true.

Just an hour in the chair and I've now got a ifferent look that I am still trying to get used to. Sometimes I wonder why am I so not in touch with beautifying myself?It sure feels like that will come in very handy now.

So with a few snips I now need to get used to my hair, and with a few clicks I am now a little more broke.

But at least it is for things that I will need.

The boy is leaving too soon. Has it already been 25 days since I last saw him? That's only a quarter of the tie needed to be spent away from him.

Maybe I just need to really busy myself as much as possible and the next thing I know, I will be busy packing to return for my final year of studies!

It's been almost 3 weeks since I have been back. The sweltering humidity, the congested paths on the streets and in the malls, the constant rain - all of which I have more or less adjusted back to.

Strangely enough, many friends have assumed that I would be swamped with meetings and gatherings. But I don't know if it's amusing or sad, the numbe of outings that I have planned with friends are few and far.

My return to Singapore was not announced to many. I didn't see a point. For one, I have become a rather private person. Having to share my social life with two different worlds makes things hard. I don't know how to bridge the gap between both and make things easier for myself to maintain all contacts that I have once treasured.

Also, during my stay away from Singapore, I hardly made contact with people back home. Trying to settle into a brand new routine, with no old friends around was not daunting, but certainly very tiring.

It was then that I discovered no matter how people viewed me as a very sociable person, I found out the hard way that maybe like butterflies, my friends flutter around but never stay.

It maybe busy schedules, it maybe work, it maybe that they just don't want me as a friend anymore. I want to say it's my fault for not keeping in touch with everyone. But thinking back, I did write emails about me settling in fine and all, but after the initial weeks of fun and relaxation, the assignments and readings got to me. I was struggling half the time with school work and the expectations I had to try and meet.

But while all that happened, it almost felt like only a very few took the initiative to keep in touch with me. Some of them were people that I have never been really close to. Their constant text messages, emails, postcards and even parcels on my birthday were pleasant surprises that usually became the highlight of my usually stressful week.

It takes both parties to make something work, doesn't it? Both parties have to give and take and not just do fulfil only one aspect of it.

My years of giving everything I have to my friends, I somehow don't see the strong ties staying strong or even ever being strong.

I guess maybe I am too stubborn, or that I am expecting too much of my friends.

But a simple msn message or email saying hi once in a while.

Is that too much to ask for?

Taken from: http://xkcd.com/352/

The boy sent me this tonight before logging off.

I miss him dearly.